How to get a free ride in Chicago...

OK so I might not be so hip on the homosexual "slang" terms, but is asking if its ok to eat a cookie something i should know about? My Egyption taxi driver today was being all "hey baby why dont you come sit up in the front seat." He asked me all these weird questions after I innocently asked him if i could eat in his cab. I hadn't eaten anything all day and I grabbed a cookie. He started out oh it's ok. good food is good. then he sad something about sleep. then something about good sex. thats where it started to get interesting. He asked if i was single. If i lived alone and so on. I'm starting to think maybe I can totally get a free ride, but then i thought to myself is my $4.00 ride really worth my dignity. By the the time I got to my destination I can safely say that was well worth saving 4.00 bucks... I tell you what!

Can I can get some potatos with that Mash up...

So I heard a mashup of Shaggy "it wasn't me" mixed with a beatles song. I thought it was interesting that it's all the rage now. When sampling has been around forever. Strange how giving an old thing new name would magically make it better! I think if i give myself a hip new name I think I could be all cool n stuff! So I will now be known as Master Pappa Sprecher.
C.P.S. out!

An example of the dangers of alcohal and dehydration. Oh it also doesn't help to also drink straight from a salt shaker...

12 baby steps of Alcoholism

I drink about a 6 pack of beer every 2 weeks. In my parent's eyes I'm a raging alcoholic. When I think most people who actually have a drinking problem, drink themselves till they end up face first in the lap of some random transvestite that goes by the name Bob. I figure at this rate I will be a raging alcoholic by the time I'm 95 and by then it will be all over. If my friends are still alive they will all leave me to die an even lonelier old man. My Great Grand kids will ask why I smell like robitussin and tonic. My wife will change the subject whenever my name comes up on conversation. My laundry list would consist of assorted vanilla extracts from Madagascar to pure 100% Tahitian. It's to late for me I've started on a 68 year downward spin. Don't you dare judge me!
BD

I think I'm turning into a old white union laborer...

I am not sure if it was not eating, no water, or the paint fumes in an enclosed space for 3 hours, but all I wanted to do was get a beer and sit in the front of the TV. I even went as far as having delusional fantasies about having my high haired wife who I would refer to as bitch to get me a chimay. Then criticize her for choosing the wrong kind of glass. Bitch don't you know Chimay should be served in a goblet. Damn woman.

Have you ever noticed...

When you've been single as long as I have you begin to notice things like people holding hands or people kissing in public. Well I think that it has been upped a notch, because the other day I was waiting for an elevator and caught two people totally getting it on in the elevator! So not really thinking I just laughed and said "I think I will catch the next one." She looked pretty embarrassed with her leg up in the air and stuff. I just thought I share it since it was the closest I've been to getting some in a long time! ha
BD

Come children.. There is a new church forming...

Church of the holy Tax Shelter.

We are proud to announce we are now accepting membership. With your pledge to forever be a member of this church you get your very own cherry flavored cyanide freezer pops while supplies last(also available in holy water flavor). Sign up sheet in the back of the wall of the YMCA. Meetings will be held bi-weekly in the basement of my parents house. We look forward to taking your money.
With Regards
The super mega exulted leader D.

Not sure if you haven't figured this out yet...

I think my job sucks... but I am the first to ever think that cause im original n junk... AND DONT YOU FORGET IT

What makes people so bitter!

You know you are bitter when you live, work and die in the south side of Chicago... I had my first experience with the never cheerful large rear ended woman. Who had trouble actually getting out of her chair and smelled of the enchanting smell Essence de poulet frit. I think she might have had it for breakfast or lunch or brunch or something between breakfast and brunch I'd like to call Fatty break also known as Southside diet. So dealing with that at 9am in the morning on 4 hours of sleep and a 2 hour drive through traffic I was in the best shape to tackle the day with a cheery disposition. Besides the anal retentive fire marshal(who coincidentally still had his eye browes still) who insisted on doing everything himself and there was no need for me to even be there until he broke something and immediately vacated the premises declaring that everything is "fine."

New years resolution

Hmm... I think this years resolution will be to keep this up and to actually read everyone else's blog. I like to keep it simple because I have the memory of a goldfish and always forget what I actually promissed to myself about 2 weeks in to the new year. So now that this is etched into some lunch table in the dinning hall in this giant popularity contest we call the internet. Also more porn... that's always good. So for all of you who think im shallow thats a two tier resolution and if the first one doesn't pan out I'm pretty sure I can try much harder on that second one.

OK!

SO as you can see I'm about the laziest person in the world. So this blog hasnt been updated since the day it was created. Also the 218902839102831 person has asked me to keep this up to date and write something. I guess it wouldnt kill me to write a few words on the upcoming new year. On the L a few hours and a few drinks too many we ran into the legendary nameless rapper drinking from his mystical bottle of Hennessey. He predicted that the end of the world will happen sometime in 2005. So we should all make our peace and do everything we wanted too. That does include eating Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwichs and eating that yellow snow that we all know is left by some random snow cone maker for us to enjoy! Eat up chicago cause i know you've always been curious!