12 baby steps of Alcoholism

I drink about a 6 pack of beer every 2 weeks. In my parent's eyes I'm a raging alcoholic. When I think most people who actually have a drinking problem, drink themselves till they end up face first in the lap of some random transvestite that goes by the name Bob. I figure at this rate I will be a raging alcoholic by the time I'm 95 and by then it will be all over. If my friends are still alive they will all leave me to die an even lonelier old man. My Great Grand kids will ask why I smell like robitussin and tonic. My wife will change the subject whenever my name comes up on conversation. My laundry list would consist of assorted vanilla extracts from Madagascar to pure 100% Tahitian. It's to late for me I've started on a 68 year downward spin. Don't you dare judge me!
BD