Words to live by....

Yo!
Pump up the jam
Pump it up
While your feet are stompin
And the jam is pumpin
Look at here the crowd is jumpin
Pump it up a little more
Get the party going on the dance floor
See coz that's where the party's at
And you'll find out if you're too bad
I dont wana place to stay
Get your booty on the floor tonight

Ok, I've had enough with the innuendoes...

Enough is enough. I can appreciate a gay joke every now and then, but this is ridicules! Now I don't lean one way or another on the subject of homosexuality. Whatever you do is your business! But trying to slowly influence someone is just wrong! First it started with Amazon. For some reason they liked to show me the most feminine products. Damn netflix! They seem to think I enjoy "2 French boys find companionship in hard times" type movies. Its fun to watch some hot guy on guy action every once in a while but DAMN not every movie. Got to have some variety. Now the last straw came today! Launchcast a fun yahoo.com Internet radio station that you can tailor to you musical tastes. Now generally it plays whatever I enjoy listening too. So what should play this morning? Show tunes! All show tunes! I skipped 5 in a row before I just turned it off! Now I think the internet has gone to far this time! Just because I rejected it's "no strings" hot gay sex at last years Christmas office party doesn't mean you have to be all bitter about it! NO MEANS SOMETIMES BUT MOSTLY IT MEANS NO...
BD

Oii throw anotha shrimp on the barbi?

Well I've hit an all time low. I was so bored I did a search of myself on google. BD I never knew I was a famous jazz pianist! I know I'm talented because it says so on the internet and when has anyone lied on the internet? Also turns out I'm British I had no idea but that would explain my fascination with bread pudding and my bad oral hygiene. I'm as limey as "Coca-cola with lime." Same classic taste with a twist! Sponsors you know how they get if you don't plug the product. Speaking of products, Don't forget to buy my new album "Jazz for the Youth of Uganda" Those crazy kids love me. Also, NPR will be playing my new single "It's laundry day and I'm not wearing underwear." Well thanks for coming and drink more coke with lime!
BD

What to do what to do...

When it's to early to go home and to late to go into the office what do you do? Drive around the block a few times or a dozen. Take the longest way possible to get back to the office that includes going the complete opposite direction. Make those four left turns and swear you've never seen that Baklava Shop before. Stop at every gas station and ask for the most obscure candy you can think of then run out of the store in a huff because they do not carry it. Take every hand out some homeless person offers you. Then run off yelling "sucker" at the top of your lungs!

Marshmallows in cereal....

You know I'm conflicted on this one. I really like sweet things and you can't get much sweeter than marshmallows in cereal. The thing is it just doesn't feel right. Hot chocolate sure, Smores great, and then the paradoxical rice crispy treat(just to good for its own damn good). I think marshmallows should mind its own beeswax. I mean wait till the gang hears of this. The Cocopuffs bird guy is just koo-koo for his Cocopuffs. Toucan Sam is apart of the gay mafia, "jew want dem to mess jew up guud." Count chocula is gona fucking kill you... dude he's vampire.. have you ever seen a vampire hopped up on sugar and the blood of young children who just had his cereal... you don't want to run into that in a dark kitchen pantry?!

Oh a quick thought...

I have to catch a train home so I will make this one short. I got in the mail the other day an invite to be on the committee to put together my 10 year high school reunion. What kind of person clings to the past so dearly they actually fucking volunteer to be apart of the committee to bring all the losers and freaks together again!? Just wanted to throw that one out there. I thought it was strange most people want to move on from that time in their lives. Although most people had it much harder than I did. Again why would you want to relive the most embarrassing times in your life? People are stupid...

Some people call me Medicated McGee...

Chicago has a rich tradition of sampling fine green spirits on St. Patty's day. There is also a tradition of blowing off work to get shitfaced on a thursday afternoon. I really don't think we all need a "reason" to get loaded on any given day if the mood strikes you. Being an honorary Irishman for the day does give you an all day pass to drink till you throwup or worse call you boss in a drunken stupor to tell him that you are to drunk to work and need a raise. So everyone Irish up that coffee of yours with baileys or Rubbing alcohol which ever is handy and salute your rich Irish heritage. Because on this day everyone can work this line like a champ... "Do you have a little Irish in you? No... Do you want some?"
BD

Say it isn't so Kari

So I've decided that to have pretend babies with the girl from mythbusters. Kari Byron is kind of that inde rock V cute girl that you see in Wicker park. She's a successful artist in SF and is now the object of lust for many geeks and nerds out there! Alas she is a vegetarian and we definitely can't condone the non-meat eater ways! But no ones perfect and I'm sure she's a wonderful person even though she doesn't eat meat! :) Anyway I just wanted ya'll to know that I'm a proud father of 2 pretend inde rock babies named Johnsonville and Jimmy-dean. BD

Got rice?

I saw a fun Bumper sticker today. It said "Powered by rice" on a Civic. Of course it was Hispanic guy driving the car. Go figure, but I guess Asians haven't cornered the market on rice eating. There was a time I refused to eat rice. After eating rice everyday in some form or shape you can see why I boycotted it for a while. But being a good little rice boy I came back. Anyway I just wanted to say GO RICE POWER!
BD

Silly Mac users....

They walk around with their hip Ipods(so fucking envious it's sick) and your little inotebooks that look like a children's learning toy. Is it me or did some nerdy Apple geek infiltrate the cool crowd with his cool little gadgets and trendy looking apple laptops. Boy what happened to the clunky and backbreaking stuff of the old? I miss Olga the unibrowed slow processing midwife. So what if she was ugly and couldn't take her anywhere. She was a damn fine piece of machinery back in her day. Mac had to come in and make everything pretty and easy. It use to take some finessing to even get her turned on... Sigh the old days...
BD

Anyone want to go to the Erotic barn?

On just a side note. I saw a shop today on Randolph today called "Erotic Warehouse." It got me thinking... They could start a chain of erotic franchises. Going down the list they could first start with Erotic storage area and move on to the highly lucrative Erotic photohuts. For the kids they could have Erotic play pens in every other strip mall. Then finally move on to the corporate world "Erotic Amalgamations." They could cater to every erotic need anyone could ever have. Think of them as the sluttier Walmart. Pshh Walmart is one fridgid bitch...

Chicago's weather is like a bi-polar unemployed chick...

You can tell she's unemployed because the weekend are always nice, sunny and warm! Come Monday she's bitter about not having a job and dipping dots come falling from the sky. By quitting time the mud tasting dots(dont ask how I know) are all but gone and the weather is fairly cool. Her friends are really to be commended for force feeding her meds hidden in a block of cheese(all the while massaging her throat). Tuesdays are pretty good she's mellowed out a little bit since Monday. Wednesdays is hump day and she enjoys saying "hump." Thursdays is all you can eat hot wings and 50 cent drafts at Bottom lounge. Friday there are short bursts of hot and cold weather because she excited to go out but is sad because she spent all her money on wings and beer. Saturday she bumbs money from her always sunny sister Las Vegas who always seems to have a lot cash for some reason. Sunday she drunkenly calls her brother NYC to tell him about all the boys who rejected her and called her crazy when she said she could control the weather...

I am blogging machine... blogging machine...

Wow I've really writing a lot in this little thing. I didn't realize that until someone said something. But of course no one actually reads this so it doesn't mater that much!:) It's warming up here in Chicago about 45 degrees so far. That's good news cause my pasty white friends are in definite need of cancerous rays from the sun. I really can't wait to hit all the chicago bars with patios. I can only think of a few things better to do on a warm night to have a really strong drink at the truck stop(Melvin B's) and laughing so hard your cheeks hurt the next day. For those of you who haven't experienced Chi town in the spring and summer I feel bad for ya'll missing out on something really good. So if any of you are feeling adventurous first round is on me!
BD

Change in the air...

So spring is almost here. Although in Chicago it's still fucking cold. I decided to spruce the old blog up a bit. I am sure you all noticed the new template action going on up in here! I know you all love templates! Here at Urma is where to get all the hot template hook ups. Are ya'll picking up what I'm putting down?
Good... cause I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about...
BD

Bored out of my skull...

So bored I'm bloggin! My company is moving to a new location. We are getting new phones, cubes and everything! I am going to miss the strange liquid stain on my 25 year old cube. The felt that is torn and I can see the foam sticking out. Sigh the 30 year old phone system with the stiff number 1 button(it's always fun getting the dialing the wrong phone numbers). I am also located near the water cooler which is convenient to some extent(and probably the reason I have to run to the bathroom so uch), but also is a pain because I am anti-social towards my co-workers. When I do speak it's pretty much to speak ill about anyone who is not present in the room at that particular time. Ok well no that's not true, but I think about doing that all the time. ANYWAY I really should get back to work or more chatting online... Whatever come first I guess...
BD