Half pint's day in Chicago

Yesterday was "Bring your kid into work day." Seeing little kids in the Chicago loop was kind of weird. Seeing all the little people holding onto their respective parents hand while crossing the street. Waving to the embittered Chicago traffic officer as they walk by and seeing the scary gun toting crossing guard trying to smile back is an odd sight. Anyway I can just imagine bring my little bastard son Johnny down town with me. Climbing all over the Metra train seats and declaring everyone he meets smells like doggy breath at the top of his lungs. Spilling my Irish coffee all over my desk. Sending him down to get me cigarettes and some wild turkey in 8oz bottle. Telling him that this is grown up work and mom doesn't to know about the cigarettes and booz. Saying only "rat fink loser" tells on people. I look at him and say your not a rat are you son? As he shakes his head no I tell him what a good little bastard he is...

Smart people make me happy...

I really idolize smart people. I enjoy surrounding myself with smart people because I really don't think of myself as that smart! I am in awe of them because what they can do with out having to google it! Anyway I felt inspired to write something about my friend Miss Lengli who's page I have linked some where on the right side! She is one hip chick I tell you what. The following Quotes are from a top 100 things about Lengli we should all know... I am just going to give you what I feel are the highlights!

11. I have a collection of unread books that serve only to make me seem smarter than I actually am.

Books are for suckers who don't have a CD player or Nerd they can beat up!

50. I didn't know how to say "thank you" when I was little, so I said "dandoo". All members of my family still frequently use this term.

Thats about as cute as you can get with out getting punched in the face:)

81. I like the taste of communal wine and I feel kinda guilty about that.

Something about sharing a goblet of backwashed wine makes me think of the saying "It's like there's a party in my mouth and your all invited!"

99. I have a goal to drive a pickup truck at least once in my life. I have no idea why.

The draw of the Red neck tendencies can be powerful...

It's good to be rich...

In a very swanky suburb of Chicago there's a magical place that welcomes all who have $3k to drop a week! This place looks like something out of a Martha Stewart's minimum security prison. From the imported Sand in the volley ball courts and the creepy bronzed kids playing baseball in the front. Some people just have entirely way to much money. What happened to sticking a kid in the corner of the a room, then say "the paint chips aren't going to eat themselves Johnny!" (while pointing like an evil monkey) If I ever strike it rich I swear I'm going to make my kids do all the yard work and clean the pool. I would be like "Damnit when I was your age I had to clean a pool twice as small as this one! Be thankful with what you have you little bastard! Oh go get daddy another Vodka and tonic..."
BD

Life is good in the house of D

So things are going well. We have a new addition to the family a young punky emo kid from the west side. His name is TD cause he always hits the bottle hard 6 times a day and always goes for the extra pint! Us Dee's really know no hardship. We could not imagine such thing. We wish everyone could live as we do but we are not fools. Not everyone can be as great as us! I will let you in on a secret. It's all in a little bottle I like to call "Miller High life" baby. Drink like a winners…. Be a winner

Indiana is a lovely place. Not sure why anyone would be there for more than 5 minutes, but hell people do crazy things like eat change and dirt! Besides the exotic locale, it went off with out a hitch. The bride didn't run off with the groom’s cat and the groom didn't turn into a pumpkin. So all and all a very good night! Although we did not see the mating call of the Whiteman(or the Scientific name: candidus facina tripudio) on the dance floor with shaking of the hips and the snapping of the fingers. I think the bride and groom by the end of the night wanted nothing more than to end the night by saying "leave the gifts by the door and get the fuck out!" We did end up getting booted out with the classic bartender slogan "you gotta leave people we are about to lose our virginity..." Well at least I've heard it used more than a few times. Anyway! I just wanted to congratulate one of my closest friends on getting married to a wonderful girl! I just want to leave one bit of advice for our new couple! Don't forget to stock up on toilet paper!
BD

Brian and the unflappable Mr. H. Flappington...

I met a man with a talking comb over today! It was like staring at an eclipse. Such an amazing sight. The wind would catch it at just the right angle and it would just start flapping like an excited chicken clucking around the yard! I'd imagine it saying hello to me in a British accent, Very proper and poised. He introduces himself as Mr. H. Flappington. He then asks "how do you do" in that stiff brit accent of his! I reply just "fine sir." "A beautiful but windy day is it not?" says Mr. flappington. I agreed and mentioned that if it were not so windy I would not have met him. He also agreed, but pointed out that talking to a Bald man's comb over isn't a sign of good mental health. Ignoring the flapping man hair's comment I quickly changed the subject to binding garments such as hats and do-rags. He did have a lot to say, but after he droned on for 10 minutes about how the government should ban all head apparel Mr. Flappington sensed that I did not care much for the subject and moved on. By the end of the conversation the wind was dying down and didn’t want to end half way through a conversation. So he said his goodbyes and did not look back as the balding man walked away. Maybe I will meet Mr. H. Flappington again some day on an old Jewish mans head…. Someday…

Questionable Friendships...

Here we can see a new born already exhibiting signs of poor taste in companions. I for one cannot stand by while the pink fuzzy bears infiltrate our homes under the guise of cuddley-ness. Don't get me started on the brown bears with bow ties. Please just be careful when approaching these cute little fur balls of malice. One false move around them and they are very well capable of Eskimo kissing you till you get chaffed or worse BABY RASH! Be careful out there it's a fuzzy fuzzy world!
PS. Welcome our new little friend Abbi McAvoy. Great just what we need more McAvoys...

The friction of mice and man...

Today I ran into the classic Struggle of one "special" person and their difficult mouse. I will not divulge this persons name. For her shame is to great to be known by her real name lets call her Debby. So Debby looks as if she could have 1 chromosome to many... I witnessed the Struggle between the two of them and scratched my head because I was slightly confused about the field they choose to play on! I think to myself maybe she enjoys the friction. Of course my curiosity always gets the better of me so I ask, "Does your mouse move to fast for you?" She replies with a little bit of disdain, "No, as a matter of fact I think it moves to slow." Even more perplexing, I look down at our little mouse friend and I see the problem at hand. I look at her and say "I think I see the problem..." I can see the cogs moving in her head and she replies "really what do you think it is..." I pick up the mouse carefully.... and flip the fucking mouse pad right side up.