I Heart Gary, Indiana

Recently I had the pleasure of visiting this majestic land of spoiled eggs and factories as far as the eye can see. The upscale part of town really speaks to me in some way I really can't describe. The Mcdonalds and KFC/Taco bell restaurant strip made it very hard for me to choose were to dine. Being the purist I pulled in the to the Mcdo(pronounced Mick - dough) for something quick. I was actually looking for something that had a WiFi spot, but in Gary Indiana I had about as much chance finding that as I would finding someone there with their full own set of teeth. So while dining at this fine McDo establishment I was offered oral gratification in the bathroom for a mere 5 bucks! It took a moment to way the situation. A fish fillet or a Blow job in the bathroom by a homeless woman. Hmmm I turned her down and proceeded to eat my other fish sandwich in the car...

and the Funniest drink life time achievement award goes to....

TANG!

This amazing orange flavored drink made by Kraft foods has been around since the late 50s! Eight out of Ten astronauts choose Tang if they want to drink an orange drink that is not made from real oranges. When someone mentions tang in any way or form it just makes people laugh. This is the best example product placed sexual innuendo that will keep us laughing till we have tang in the pants! The very successful ad campaign "Get some Tang today you won't regret it!"

Radio adds gone wrong...

I was going home today and I heard an ad for a car dealership on the radio. At the very end of their sales pitch some woman with a terrible radio voice comes on and say "Holy Nabu, even the ewok's would love this deal!" Now I don't claim to be a Starwars expert/geek(which ever comes first), but how does the planet Nabu where Luke and Leah's mom hails from has anything to do with the furry creatures from the wooded moon of Endor. Now if by chance an ewok EVER gets the chance to buy a Hyundai Santa Fe or Elantra I am not sure it would qualify for financing. I can't see any ewok paying cash for it's ride.

Cross dressers don't like me very much today...

I saw a fun looking Filipino cross dresser today working at Panera. Not sure how well curly hair really work on other portly Filipino but this didn't really work out. He/She was wondering around giggling with his/her co-workers and just having a what looked to me like a "fun time." I had a drink that came in a glass bottle. Being the good person I am I wanted to recycle my glass. So I walk over to the garbage can and placed my empty bottle in the small round hole labeled "glass." So I hear someone yelling at me from across the room "Don't put it in that hole!" in a Filipino accent of course! So I turn around and find the cross dresser standing next to me saying "There isn't anything in there." So I apologized and Mr/Mrs. Can't let something go says to me "don't you look before you through things away?" I replied... "I always enjoy putting things in small holes... I don't know why..."

Can I get a #4 with a side of good mental health...

Today was not so fun! Not fun for me nor the Drive through worker at the McDonald's I went to for lunch. The line didn't move very fast but then again it was closer to the lunch hour and I didn't think much of it. Then I realized that the 40 something woman in the rouge minivan was saying an awful lot to the girl on the other end of the line. So I rolled down my window to see what she was asking for and couldn't really make out what she was saying. Finally she started to pull up after what seemed like more than a few minutes. I looked down the lane and there was no one ahead of her. I found it kind of odd, but I said he whatever we are moving now. So this woman pulls up to the teller window and then puts her car in park and GETS out of the minivan. I'm thinking to myself ahh what the fuck is going on. After a little while the woman gets handed a small bottle of milk. Which she promptly let fall to the ground. She did not throw it all spiteful-ish but more of a half hearted I will show you bitch sort of way. So the woman starts to say "I only wanted fries" and seemed really adamant about it. So she stood there for a few minutes demanding she gets fries before the freeked out Hispanic girl tells her to go park some where and it will get sorted out. So the woman picks up the milk container and hands it back to the girl all apologetic like and pulls away. Although she didn't park... She just pulled way... Some people really like french fries...

Flashing like a woman in menopause

Chicago's weather has been known to do some really fucked up things.(see previous posts) Just entering June we get a hot spell much like late July and august. If this keeps up Brian is gonna need to carry around O2, a segway and a sun umbrella(one of those cute chinese ones).

Aspiring to greatness...

I would like to give props to all the bosses out there that can get away with doing literally nothing all day long. It is such an impressive feat of human guile that I am caught in it like deer in headlights of a 40 ton truck. I have a boss that is quite good at dodging responsibility. I am not even sure what his job description even is. His use of common sports terms such as "don't drop the ball" or "I am calling an audible on this one I'm going to need you to take care of this!" Such a crafty way of putting things gets his players... I mean employees ready for the day. Whenever problems arise he immediately says "I will check into it" and is never heard from again. Plausible deniability is the key to any good leadership roll and he has them in Aces! His lack of memory for anything other than lunch, your screw ups, and leaving 1 hour before quitting time is very much like selective alzheimer's. Very useful in slithering your way out of any real problem. I could only hope that my children's children could be so great!